Something that has been coming into my awareness frequently recently, has been this idea of play, imagination and identity, mixed with little acts of devotion to self. It is rather easy to get caught up in the little responsibilities that life demands from us on the daily. Even self-care can begin to feel like a little chore in order to keep up the regular maintenance on the machine you treat yourself as. Our movement, our actions, our thoughts, all circling around a sense of self-preservation. How can I tick off all of the boxes to survive here, and move to where I want to be?
You can almost feel your essence calling out to you, wanting something to change, wanting to feel life and energy breathed back into your being, but just not quite sure how to make that happen.
Well, what if there was another way of living? What if life was designed for feeling that deep level of connection you crave? And what if you already had the answer to what you were searching for? In fact, you mastered this already, and it came so easily; it felt almost effortless. What if the answer was play?
Identity is a fickle mistress. Many philosophies talk about the ego and how it is the trap or fall of our happiness as humans. Many people even seek after what they call “ego death”, as if the ego is something you can kill off for the betterment of yourself. But ego is just identity. That’s all. Any time you identify with something, or as something, that is ego coming to say hello. Ego is the one that latches onto forms and concepts, and says “this is me, now I can protect myself better”.
Identity is where all defensiveness and stubbornness comes from. Think of the most difficult person you have ever dealt with. Notice what was so hard about dealing with them. Notice where they had defenses up, and what they were protecting. What idea or concept of self were they so determined to hold onto? If you aren’t attached to the idea of being something/someone in particular, then there is no reason to defend. If you are attached to some concept of self, sometimes innocuous conversations can feel like a personal attack.
However, it wasn’t always this way. Your ego is not your enemy. It actually is doing a great job at showing you what you are attached to, and it is really good at keeping you alive. Identifying with something can also help us to expand our view of who we are, or find connection with other people who might share experiences with us. At one point in time, we were amazing at trying on new identities just for a moment, and setting them back down as easily as we picked them up.
When we were children, we easily slid between different identities and used them as a form of play. Think of how many games of pretend you played, where you imagined yourself being so many different things. Maybe you were a doctor, or a puppy, or an astronaut, or maybe you even had superpowers that kept growing with every make-believe obstacle you faced. You were never sad when the game was done. Maybe you were sad that play-time was ending, but never once did you feel as if you lost your identity. You knew you could pick it back up whenever felt right, and set it back down whenever it was time to shift focus. Most importantly it was FUN. The trap of identity is only when we let it harden into something solid. Something that “must be” or “should be”. This traps us into defending, losing, or striving to prove that identity real. I am a good student, daughter, employee, partner, Scorpio, bisexual, witch, Christian, democrat, republican, human, spirit, etc. Someone who CAN or CAN’T do xyz. All of these are identities, and all of them made up by humans, for humans as a way of understanding the world and ourselves in it.
So how can we return back to this fluidity? Sometimes all it takes is remembering that ALL of this is just a high stakes version of pretend. But we can also begin to stretch our minds a little bit more and allow ourselves to make-believe again. Let yourself daydream. Let yourself try on different identities, even if just for a moment in your mind. What version of you are you going to be today? Who are you when you strip everything away? What do you want to build? Can you step into and out of identities as necessary to achieve that, all while letting it be fun? What does play look like for you in any given moment?
What if each act of play, each time you allowed yourself to flow between identities, was a small act of devotion to the life you wish to create? A small token of gratitude placed at the feet of all of the different versions of you that had to exist for you to be where you are right now.
How good can you let it get?
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