Welcome!
It’s so lovely to meet you. Thanks for coming to hang out and read. I’m hoping to use this blog as a very intimate and self-reflective space, and I feel honored to share my depths with you. It feels a little bit like bearing my soul in a way. But, if there is one thing I have learned through my years of self-growth and inner work, it’s that all parts of our experience are worthy of being seen, felt, and loved, especially the scary parts.
So here I am, taking the leap to share my experiences and thoughts, and the hardest, grittiest parts of my journey towards self-love and acceptance in hopes of easing anyone else who may be going through the same lessons. In the wide array of the inner constellations that have mapped my journey, I hope you find whichever ones speak to you, and that they lead you towards your own intuitive wisdom as well.
Now, a little about me!
All my life, I’ve loved sharks. Well… that’s a lie… First, I loved dinosaurs. From the ages of 2-5 years old, I was obsessed with dinosaurs and was convinced I would be a paleontologist. (I started reading very early, okay?) At 5, I was taken to my first aquarium, saw the sharks swimming so gracefully by, and changed my mind immediately. Why dig up dead animals when I could work with ones that were alive? Sharks are essentially just living dinosaurs, right? Thus, a mini marine biologist was born.
From that moment, I absolutely devoured everything I could relating to sharks. I saw the beauty and grace in the way they moved, and how misunderstood they were. To me, these weren’t just “scary fish”, but beautiful animals that were integral to the health of the oceans, and therefore the world.
The irony here is that I was the world’s biggest scaredy-cat. I’m talking jump-at-my-own-shadow level of afraid. Even though I loved sharks, I was still the kid at the pool who envisioned one coming to gobble me up as I learned to swim in the deep end. But that was nothing special. I was terrified of all things unseen. Ghosts, demons, gremlins. I have no idea where these came from, as I wasn’t allowed to watch anything even remotely scary. Not even Scooby-Doo. Hell, I wasn’t allowed to celebrate Halloween. It didn’t help that later on my step-father decided to tease me relentlessly about it by coming up with new ways to startle me.
Sharks seemed different though. I knew from what I read I didn’t really have anything to fear about them. Just like any wild animal, you know that it has the possibility of hurting you, but if you respect it and learn to be with it in a more observant and curious way, it’s not so scary. Thanks, Steve Irwin!
Around 10 years old, I started applying that same philosophy to my fears. I was tired of being scared all of the time. I hated how vulnerable and small it made me feel. So, I started doing what I now realize was essentially exposure therapy on myself. I would choose something that I thought was scary, and explore it in a “controlled” environment, then trying to get more curious about it. Microdosing fear, as it were. (I don’t recommend this route, haha. It was helpful, but doing it on my own with no one to help resource me back into safety resulted in some… interesting dynamics with trust.)
From there, I kept exploring more and more of my depths, asking the question of why something scared me, and trying to find out more about it’s source, leaning in to the scary bits. As I grew, I found the dark parts of my life and beliefs and sank into them, learning how to offer more compassion and understanding along the way. What had started as an attempt at stoicism, slowly morphed into learning the strength in vulnerability.
Years, degrees, and certifications later, I saw how my approach to my inner world reflected how I saw the outer world. One big ecosystem with intricate interactions between thoughts, sensations, and emotions. I also saw the relation between sharks and my own shadow work. How, what often is seen as “scary” is an important part of the ecosystem, a balancer, and learning to work with it rather than against it is key to the health of the larger whole.
So now, as I continue to work towards a deeper understanding of the world’s oceans through marine science, I have married my two loves –ecology and behavior– into a practice where I help others follow their passions in the face of their fears, by getting curious and compassionate about thier own inner worlds.
If that sounds like it floats your boat, follow along! You can keep up with my posts and philisophocal musings by subscribing below.
If any of this resonated with you, and you’d like to go deeper, I would be honored to gift you some time on my calendar. We can talk about your biggest block or fear around your goals, and get clear on how you can move forward with them, completely complimentary. Sometimes it’s just a spark of insight that helps propell you foreward. If you want longer term support & guidance, we can talk about what working together could look like, and see if it is a good fit.
Whatever your journey, thanks for reading and I wish you all of the success and joy in your future endeavors!
💖Em🦈🌊
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